Changes
by colourmehonest
Summary: The day after the first time Buffy and Spike sleep together. Different outcome. So far, just a one-shot will continue if you want though. this is my first fanfic. Rated M to be safe. All characters belong to JOSS WHEDON. Don't sue. 3
1. Morning After

She inhaled. The scent of cigarettes, blood, and dust filled her nostrils. She couldn't believe it; she had slept with Spike. She had felt him naked under her, on her, _in_ her. It was odd, she thought she would be disgusted at this fact, but it wasn't the sleeping with Spike that disgusted her, it was the reason she slept with him. Since coming back from Heaven, everything had changed. She couldn't trust her friends anymore, they had done this to her after all, pulled her from the comfort of Heaven only to leave her in her coffin, forcing her to dig her way to freedom. The only thing that made her feel less than terrible was him. The way he spoke, the way he walked, the way he didn't act like she was broken. Last night was a clear indicator of that. The sex was violent, filled with rage, passion, and a hidden emotion she wouldn't touch on, not now, not soon, not _ever_.

She saw him stir, she decided now was the best time to leave. She couldn't face him. She couldn't even face herself.

She began putting on her boots before she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

"Where are you goin', love?" the vampire said coyly.

"Home, and don't call me that," she replied, hint of uncertainty in her voice.

"Stay, please," he pleaded. She knew she couldn't turn to see him, she'd be lost in him again.

"Dawn, I can't, she'll worry," she sighed. She'd love to stay and forget the World with him, but reality slapped her in the face.

"Just for a little while pet, no one will worry, it's still early," he coaxed. He knew he was going to win this battle.

"What do you think this is? This doesn't change a damn thing between us, I hate you," she yelled, uncertain as to where this sudden outburst came from.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you? Of course this changes things! I love you, Slayer, whether you like it or not, I know you felt something, I can smell it," he said roughly. She knew her comments hurt him.

"I know you love me, I believe you now, you've been there for me and Dawn and the Gang, I will always cherish that, but this will _**never**_ happen again, do you understand me?" she sobbed, still facing away from him. She felt him shuffle behind her until he was suddenly standing in front of her; eyes staring into her soul.

"Buffy, you know I know you're lying. Why can't you just see how much I fucking care for you? Why can't you just let go?" he begged, and for a moment, she felt like it would be the simplest thing to do, just let go and be with him forever, let him protect her from the harsh light of day, but once again, reality slapped her.

"I'm afraid if I let go that I'll truly be stuck here. This is hard, being here, knowing what lies before me. I just want to leave. Why did you let them pull me away? You say you care about me, yet you let them steal me from Heaven," her sobs came fast and hard now. He stared at her with wide, wet eyes. He knew she was right. He let them take her. Of course, he didn't know what they were doing, but that shouldn't matter, he should have protected her.

"I'm sorry," he sighed. It was all he said before he picked up her skirt and handed it to her. She saw the sorrow and blame in his eyes. He was dying inside knowing he hurt her.

"Spike, everything is a mess right now, I wish I wasn't here, it's hard, but you're the one thing that has helped. I don't love you, but I think someday, I could try," she smiled shyly before she got dressed and left.

His eyes followed her but he remained silent. He didn't know what to say. He knew things wouldn't be the same, but he also knew she'd go on in pain, and it was his fault, and what had she meant she could? The words, or that bloody crumb he'd been waiting for, and he knew it was a lie. He knew she'd bounce back and go back to hating him. He was just an escape for her, but he'd let her, because he loved her, and a part of him believed that she could love him.


	2. Need

Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of these characters, they are property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. A few new characters may be introduced, in which case, yes, I own them. Don't sue me.

Summary: Okay, so I'm not really sure where this story is going to go, but I've decided to switch it up. The first chapter is going to be modified, because it was too rushed. So, to all readers that have read the first chapter and liked it, please go back, only the last paragraph or so will be changed, but it will make this chapter make more sense. I plan for this to be a long story, I just need to motivation. I'll try to get stuff up weekly, but I don't guarantee anything. Anyways, thanks for reading.

"Hello? Anyone home?" Buffy yelled into the quiet Summer's home. After a minute of silence she assumed everyone was asleep. "Yay, more time for Buffy to be alone," She said sarcastically.

She pulled opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water and took it upstairs. As she walked by Willow, and formerly Tara's room she peaked in and noticed the bed was made. It instantly worried her and she ran to Dawn's room; empty with the bed made. It looked as if no one was home.

"Dawn! Willow! Hello!" She yelled into the silence. She ran downstairs to the phone to call Xander.

"Hello?" A sleepy Xander answered.

"Is Dawn or Willow with you? I had a late night patrolling and when I got home no one was here, it looks like no one came home last night," Buffy asked, panicked.

"Haven't seen either of them, I know Willow was at the Bronze last night, but the Dawnster left The Magic Box around eight. I'll call Anya and then I'll head over to your place, you should call Tara, she might know." Xander suggested, trying to sound as rational as possible.

Buffy hung up the phone and dialled Tara's number.

"Tara?" Buffy asked.

"Buffy? You're up early, is everything okay?" Tara asked sweetly.

"Is Dawn with you? I just got home and no one was here,"

"Oh, Buffy I thought Dawn told you, or left a note. She spent the night at Janice's last night. I tried calling last night to tell you but you were out. I'm sorry, I thought Dawn would have told you." Tara apologized.

"Oh thank God. I am going to kill that girl. Thanks a lot Tara, um, you wouldn't happen to know where Willow is? Because Xander hasn't seen Willow since last night," Buffy asked, trying to dodge around talking about Willow with Tara.

"Uh, n-no, I haven't. I'm sure she's okay though, Willow can take care of herself," Tara said dejectedly.

"Yeah, I'm sure she's fine, and thanks for telling me about Dawn, I should call Xander and call off the search party, and Tara, if you need anything, feel free to call, okay?"

'Of course, th-thanks Buffy, good luck with Dawn, don't go to hard on her," Tara giggled before hanging up.

Buffy called Xander and let him know that Dawn was okay and then decided to take a quick nap.

Willow carefully opened the door to the Summer's home and looked around. Dishes were in the sink and Buffy's jacket was hanging on the chair. Obviously Willow had stayed out later than expected, but Amy had insisted.

"Will, is that you?" Buffy called from upstairs.

"Yeah, hey," Willow replied nervously. She didn't want Buffy to think she was out all night up to no good.

"Have fun last night?" Buffy asked, coming down the stairs.

"Yeah, time seemed to fly away. How was patrolling, any baddies we should worry about?"

"Nah, it was a pretty dead night," Buffy said uncomfortably. "It's good you had fun, you've been kind of bummed since Tara left so it's nice to see you back out there. Any plans for tonight?"

"I'm all for sleeping tonight. I'm not meant to be a party animal," Willow giggled.

"Your leather doppelganger would have disagreed. Anyways everyone seems to be busy tonight, Dawn is staying the night at Janice's again, Xander and Anya are making with the, well you know, and that exhausts all my options. I think I'll just do a quick patrol and come home and sleep,"

"Okay, I mean, unless you want to have a little girl's night. We could rent movies and cry, just like the good ol' days," Willow suggested gleefully.

"That sounds great, are you sure though? You said you were tired." Buffy asked, trying to weasel out of the plans. She wasn't ready to be snugly with everyone yet, but she didn't want them to know that.

"Hey, a quick nap and some ice cream will fix that up. You go patrol and then we can get in our pj's and gossip. Maybe, if you're lucky I'll even gush about boys, but don't hold your breath," Willow smiled. She didn't want Buffy to think she was pushing her away. Buffy seemed so distant lately.

"Sounds good Will, I'll even pick up a movie on my way home, how's Sleepless in Seattle sound?"

"That sounds great! You know, I don't know if said this enough, but I'm so glad you're back," Willow beamed. She looked so happy, Buffy didn't have the heart to tell her what she'd done.

"Well, I should go; those vampires aren't going to slay themselves. Which is too bad, my job would be much easier, I'll see you in a couple hours."

"Be careful," she said, handing Buffy her jacket.

"I'll try," Buffy sighed, knowing exactly where she was heading. There was only one vampire she was interesting in seeing.


End file.
